Regrets

  • I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.


    Regrets

  • Youth is wasted on the young. I’m 52 now and I just can’t stay up all night like I did.


    Regrets

  • The caterpillar does all the work and the butterfly gets all the publicity.


    Regrets

  • I’d have opened a knitting shop in Carlyle and been a part of life.
    [on regretting he was not born female]


    Regrets

  • My problem was that I was always missing. Miss World, Miss England, Miss UK…


    Regrets

  • Why is it no-one ever sent me yet
    One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
    Ah no it’s always just my luck to get
    One perfect rose.


    Regrets

  • My poor fellow, why not carry a watch?
    [to a man carrying a grandfather clock in the street]


    Regrets

  • Eternity’s a terrible thought. I mean where’s it all going to end?


    Regrets

  • An artist must organise his life. Here is the exact timetable of my daily activities.Get up 7.18am; be inspired 10.23 to 11.47am; I take lunch at 12.11.pm and leave the table at 12.14pm.


    Regrets

  • Whenever I travel I am too late. The orgy has moved elsewhere.


    Regrets

  • He spoke with a certain what-is-it in his voice and I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.


    Regrets

  • My birthday. No adequate fuss made.


    Regrets

  • If all the words of tongue and pen,
    The saddest are ‘It might have been’,
    More sad are these we daily see,
    ‘It is, but hadn’t ought to be’.


    Regrets

  • Yes I haven’t had enough sex.


    Regrets

  • I am told that you regret not what you did but what you didn't do; and so that's why I do everything, so as not to have any regrets.


    Regrets

  • The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday – but never jam today.


    Regrets

  • To be absolutely honest, what I really feel bad about is that I don’t feel worse. That is the ineffectual liberal’s problem in a nutshell.


    Regrets

  • The Achilles heel which has bitten us in the backside all year has stood out like a sore thumb.


    Regrets

  • Of all the horrid hideous notes of woe,
    Sadder than owl songs or the midnight blast,
    Is that portentous phrase ‘I told you so.’


    Regrets

  • Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit I still miss him.


    Regrets

  • The follies which a man regrets most in his life, are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.


    Regrets