Regrets
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I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
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Youth is wasted on the young. I’m 52 now and I just can’t stay up all night like I did.
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The caterpillar does all the work and the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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I’d have opened a knitting shop in Carlyle and been a part of life.
[on regretting he was not born female]
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My problem was that I was always missing. Miss World, Miss England, Miss UK…
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Why is it no-one ever sent me yet
One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no it’s always just my luck to get
One perfect rose.
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My poor fellow, why not carry a watch?
[to a man carrying a grandfather clock in the street]
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Eternity’s a terrible thought. I mean where’s it all going to end?
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An artist must organise his life. Here is the exact timetable of my daily activities.Get up 7.18am; be inspired 10.23 to 11.47am; I take lunch at 12.11.pm and leave the table at 12.14pm.
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Whenever I travel I am too late. The orgy has moved elsewhere.
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He spoke with a certain what-is-it in his voice and I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
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My birthday. No adequate fuss made.
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If all the words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are ‘It might have been’,
More sad are these we daily see,
‘It is, but hadn’t ought to be’.
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Yes I haven’t had enough sex.
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I am told that you regret not what you did but what you didn't do; and so that's why I do everything, so as not to have any regrets.
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The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday – but never jam today.
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To be absolutely honest, what I really feel bad about is that I don’t feel worse. That is the ineffectual liberal’s problem in a nutshell.
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The Achilles heel which has bitten us in the backside all year has stood out like a sore thumb.
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Of all the horrid hideous notes of woe,
Sadder than owl songs or the midnight blast,
Is that portentous phrase ‘I told you so.’
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Last year my wife ran off with the fellow next door and I must admit I still miss him.
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The follies which a man regrets most in his life, are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.
