Football

  • Rome wasn’t built in a day – that was Birkenhead.


    Britain, Football

  • In other sports, the ‘lateral euphemism’ is in its infancy. At Wimbledon, for example they have only just realised that ‘perfectionist’ can be used to represent ‘extremely bad tempered’. In soccer the form of the encoded adjective is well developed . ‘Tenacious’, for example always means ‘small’.


    Football, Sports, Tennis

  • We’re having a philosophical discussion about the yob ethics of professional footballers.


    Football

  • The English football team. Brilliant on paper, shit on grass.


    Football

  • Some people think that football is a matter of life and death. I can assure them it’s much more serious than that.


    Football

  • We didn’t underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought.
    [of Cameroon’s team]


    Football

  • What’s a geriatric? A German footballer scoring three goals.


    Football

  • The nice aspect about football is that, if things go wrong, it’s the manager who gets the blame.


    Football

  • The natural state of the football fan is bitter disappointment, no matter what the score.


    Football

  • What makes a sane and rational person subject himself to such humiliation? Why on earth does anyone want to become a football referee?


    Football

  • Why is there only one ball for 22 players? If you gave a ball to each of them they’d stop fighting for it.
    [Football Widow]


    Football

  • The politics of FIFA, they make me nostalgic for the middle east.


    Football

  • Football is popular because stupidity is popular.


    Football