Quotes by Woody Allen

  • I’m not afraid of dying.I just don’t want to be there when it happens.


    Death, Fear

  • I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in 20 minutes. It involves Russia.


    Reading, speed

  • There have been many times when I have thought about it, but with my luck it would probably turn out to be a temporary solution.


    Suicide

  • A man who invests your money until it is all gone.


    Stockbroker

  • The most beautiful words in the English language are not ‘I love you’, but ‘It’s benign’.


    Words

  • Show business is worse than dog-eat-dog. It’s dog-doesn’t-return-other-dog’s-phone-calls.


    Show Business

  • Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.


    Time

  • Bi-sexuality? It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.


    Sex

  • Is sex dirty? Only if it’s done right.


    Sex

  • That sex was the most fun I ever had without laughing.


    Sex

  • Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.


    Sex

  • Sex without love is an empty experience but, as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.


    Sex

  • There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better. but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.


    Morality

  • Money is better than poverty if only for financial reasons.


    Money

  • Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.


    Money

  • If my films make one more person miserable, I‘ll feel I have done my job.


    Misanthropy

  • And my parents finally realize I am kidnapped and they snap into action immediately. They rent out my room.


    Parents

  • I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.


    Age

  • Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.


    Love

  • Men learn to love the women they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with.


    Love

  • Live everyday as if it were your last and one day you’ll be right.


    Living