Quotes by Neil Simon

  • I understand. You work very hard two days a week and you need a five day weekend. That’s normal.


    Work

  • The body of a young woman is God’s greatest achievement. Of course, he could have built it to last longer, but you can’t have everything.


    Women

  • One restaurant you’re in business. Four restaurants it’s the mafia.


    Restaurants

  • If no one ever took risks, Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor.


    Risk

  • Baptists are only funny under water.


    Religion

  • You’ve got to understand, in a way a thirty three year old guy is a lot younger than a twenty four year old girl. That is, he may not be ready for marriage yet.


    Marriage

  • Take care of him and make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.


    Marriage

  • I love living. I have some problems with my life, but living is the best thing they’ve come up with so far.


    Living

  • Every time a doctor whispers in the hospital, next day there is a funeral.


    Doctors

  • Do I feel any better? How do I know? I feel too sick to tell.


    Sickness

  • The thought of death has now become a part of my life. I read the obituaries every day just for the satisfaction of not seeing my name there.


    Death

  • It was a cute picture. They used the basic story of Wuthering Heights and worked in surfriders.


    Movies

  • He’s too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.


    Character

  • The body of a young woman is God’s greatest achievement. Of course, he could have built it to last longer, but you can’t have everything.


    Bodies