Quotes by Alan Bennett

  • An admirable man who puts down half a bottle of whisky a day and has two convictions for drunken driving, but otherwise a pillar of society.

    Alcohol, Alcoholics

  • It is where they commit suicide and the king rides a bicycle.


  • Don’t swear boy, it shows a lack of vocabulary.


  • The great advantage of being in a rut is that when one is in a rut, one knows exactly where one is.


  • I could have suggested two minutes silence.
    [on Harold Pinter’s fiftieth birthday]


  • Half the job of learning to write, is getting to know the sound of your own voice.

    Authors, Writers

  • If you think squash is a competitive activity, try flower arrangement.


  • One of the few lessons I have learned in life is there is invariably something odd about women who wear ankle socks.


  • I can walk. It is just that I’m so rich I don’t need to.


  • I have never understood this liking for war. It panders to instincts already well catered for within the scope of any respectable domestic establishment.


  • Time is the thing you haven’t got. If there is one thing I envy you for, it is not your cool and your easy birds- it’s time.


  • The majority of people perform well in a crisis and when the spotlight is on them. It’s on the Sunday afternoons of this life, when nobody is looking, that the spirit falters.

    Self Doubt

  • There’s an element of mockery here I don’t like . I don’t mind your tongue being in your cheek, but I suspect your heart is there with it.


  • One always forgets the most important things. It’s the things that one can’t remember that stay with you.


  • Wild horses on their bended knees would not get me out there.


  • In England you see, age wipes the slate clean. If you live to be ninety in England and can still eat a boiled egg, you deserve the Nobel Prize.


  • You are thirty two . You are rapidly approaching the age when your body , whether it embarrasses you or not, begins to embarrass other people.


  • The world has turned upside down. The best golfer in the world is black; the best rapper in the world is white and now there is a war and guess what, Germany doesn’t want to be in it.


  • The asylums of this country are full of the sound of mind disinherited by the out of pocket.


  • If I am doing nothing, I like to be doing nothing to some purpose. That is what leisure means.


  • All legs leave something to be desired do they not? That is part of their function and all of their charm.